A Nefarious Life
by PurpleArmadillo
Summary: What's an average day in the life of Dr. Nefarious was like? What does he do in his spare time when he's not annihilating organics? Well, you can find out right here in this collection of random silliness! Chapter 3 up: Nefarious and Lawrence have a video game showdown! Who will emerge victorious as a button mashing pro? And what happens to the loser? Something about a...pink tutu?
1. Movie Night

**A/N**: So like the summary says, this will be a collection of random tales of various silliness. Reviews are appreciated, of course. And I'd love to hear any suggestions/requests about what these two should do next!

And if any of you guys want even more humorous Nefarious adventures, feel free to check out my other fic, **Supermarket Chaos. **So far, it's my favorite out of the stories I've posted on this site.

**Disclaimer**: All rights belong to Insomniac.

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**Movie Night**

_Set sometime during Up Your_ Arsenal:

On board the massive star cruiser known as _The Leviathan_, Dr. Nefarious was preparing his personal office for what he called "Movie Night Friday." He had dimmed all the lights, pulled up a huge comfy sofa in front of his enormous holo-screen, and last but not least, taped a great big "Do Not Disturb" sign over the door.

He rubbed his metallic hands together as he glanced over the arrangements. "Perfect! And now to decide what to watch." The robotic supervillain waltzed over to the shelves on the far wall, where he proudly displayed his complete collection of _Secret Agent Clank _holo-disks.

He stood there for quite a while, debating and muttering to himself. Finally, a particular title seemed to catch his eye. He pulled it out and peered at its cover. A small green-eyed android dressed in a tuxedo was posed in front of a bright fiery explosion.

"Ooh, this is the one with the robot ninjas and the mutant space squirrels!" Nefarious practically squealed in excitement as he rushed to pop the disk in HVD player. Then he flung himself onto the sofa and grabbed the remote. "Lawrence! Hurry up and get in here! It's starting!"

Minutes went by.

"LAWRENCE! I'm not going to keep it paused forever, you know! Don't blame me if you miss the beginning!"

As if on cue, the door opened and in came the doctor's squat butler.

"It's about time!" complained Nefarious, looking over his shoulder at the other robot. "What took you so long?"

"Well, sir, I assumed you didn't want to be disturbed," Lawrence replied in his usual monotone.

"And what made you think that?"

"The 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door, sir?"

"Oh, right." Nefarious coughed. "Well, anyway, get over here and sit down!" He pushed over and thumped the free space on the couch beside him.

"If you insist." The butler looked positively bored as he settled into his designated seat. Nefarious made a dramatic show of waving the remote around like a wand as he pressed the 'resume' button. A few credits rolled by and the film began with a soft sneaking spy tune. Suddenly, a loud explosion lit up the giant screen.

Nefarious gave a shrill shout and instinctively jumped into Lawrence's arms. "I always forget about that part!" he shook his clawed fist at the movie before climbing back down. Lawrence brushed himself off.

The next five minutes passed uneventfully as they both watched the tiny Secret Agent infiltrate a ninja hideout. He was currently dodging flying Shuriken and laser beams. Nefarious was on the edge of his seat, while Lawrence appeared ready to doze off.

"You know something, Lawrence?" the doctor asked once the suspenseful scene was over. "You never sit down and watch anything with me like this."

"Well, sir, that's because usually right about now you ask me to – "

"I'm hungry. Go get me some popcorn! Oh, and some water while you're at it! Also, fetch me my fluffy slippers. You know, the ones with the evil frowny faces on them?"

"Right away, sir," Lawrence got up with a small sigh and turned toward the door. "Did you want 'buttery white' or 'kettlecorn?'"

"Yes." Nefarious was completely distracted. He waved a hand to shoo the butler away.

Lawrence exited and closed the door behind him. "If only he put that amount of focus into his evil schemes."

As he walked down the hallway, he heard the supervillain shout again in surprise. A metallic thud promptly followed, telling him Nefarious must have jumped and missed the couch.

Oh yes, Movie Night was always entertaining.


	2. Rehearsal Drama (And Whatnot)

Author Note: Big thanks to zejaykay for this suggestion: Space Opera rehearsal, topped with epic fail. I also got some great suggestions from an anonymous reviewer, so I'll do theirs next time. Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: All rights belong to Sony and Insomniac Games.

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**Rehearsal Drama (And Whatnot)**

"NO, NO, NO!" Nefarious bellowed as he threw his script to the floor and stomped all over it in a mini tantrum. "I just want my epic-romantic-action-comedy space opera to be perfect! Is that so much to ask?!"

"Apparently," drawled Lawrence, who was standing in front of the evil doctor with an extremely bored expression. The butler peered down at his own copy of the script. "What was wrong this time, sir?"

Your acting, Lawrence! Where's the emotion? The drama? You're playing Qwark, and I'm about to utterly annihilate him! He should sound terrified! He should be quaking in his boots, begging for my mercy!"

"Here, let me try it again, sir." Lawrence cleared his throat, took a breath, and read out loud in his signature monotone, "'You've beaten me, Doctor – you're just too incredibly evilly awesome. But, please, don't destroy me. I'm too young, talented, and handsome to die.'"

Nefarious sighed, slapping a hand over his face with a metallic thud. "You know what? I give up! Sorry, Lawrence, but I'm replacing you. NEXT!"

The supervillain slammed a large red button on the nearby desk. A door at the far side of the room hissed open, and in came a very reluctant looking robot with a domed head and pinchers for hands. The minion trembled nervously as he hovered into the chamber.

"Go start filming, Lawrence," Nefarious ordered.

"Oh goodie," the butler said. "I get to stand around holding a video camera." He handed his script to the minion and waddled off to the sidelines where the filming equipment was set up.

"Okay, let's try this again." The doctor directed his attention to the third robot. "Congratulations! You're the new Captain Qwark!"

"I-I am?" the minion blinked his single eye in astonishment. "I-It's a dream come true, sir! I've always wanted to be a superhero! I just knew I was destined for greater things!"

"You're the new Qwark in my _Space Opera_, you moron. Not in real life."

"…Oh." The minion sniffed loudly.

"_Anyway_," Nefarious tapped his foot, "can we get a move on? I've been trying to rehearse this scene for three hours now! I want to get it done so we can move on to the big, epic galactic domination scene. Ready over there, Lawrence? Good. Lights! Camera! Action!"

They started the scene once again, but barely five seconds later, the supervillain threw his arms into the air in frustration.

"Cut! Stop filming! What's that irritating noise?" he scowled.

"That's probably my gears rattling, sir," answered the minion, trying to stop himself from shaking. "I'm rather nervous…"

"Why's that?"

Lawrence piped up from the background, "Well, sir, the last time you rehearsed, you ended up killing every Qwark actor."

"Pfft," Nefarious waved his hand, "those were just unfortunate accidents. Besides, I made sure the blaster isn't loaded this time. See?" He snatched the space gun from the desk, raised it toward the ceiling, and pulled the trigger. There was a loud bang, and a bolt of plasma shot out, ricocheted off every surface in the room, and struck the minion from behind.

"Destined for great things…!" The robot croaked before thumping to the ground.

There was a silence.

"Déjà vu," Lawrence remarked while Nefarious smacked his forehead again.

"What were the odds of that happening?" he growled, flinging the blaster down onto the desk. "Unbelievable!" He jammed his finger onto the red button. "NEXT!"

In came another minion, who took one glance at the previous minion on the floor, and promptly fainted.

"You've got to be kidding me! NEXT! Yes, come on. No, nevermind those two – they're just uh…sleeping on the job. You're the new Qwark, yadda, yadda…okay let's do this! Again!"

And thus another rehearsal commenced, and amazingly, nothing went wrong for a change. The third minion played the role perfectly (Nefarious had complimented him: "Your terror's so real. It's like you're actually afraid for your life. You're a natural at this!"). The doctor finished the scene by pulling off a few overly dramatic victory poses (he had just annihilated Qwark!).

"Perfect! That was fantastic!" Nefarious clapped his clawed hands together. "How'd the filming come out, Lawrence? I –" The supervillain's grin instantly faded, and he pointed at the video camera. "W-what's that?"

"Oh, apologizes, sir," the butler said as he removed the lens cap. "I must have forgotten to take that off before we began."

The supervillain's eye twitched, and the minion ducked once he realized what was coming.

"LAWRENCE!" Nefarious screeched. Sparks flew from his head as he short-circuited, and he froze up.

"_Oh, Lance! All you have to do is tell me! Tell me, and I'll shave off my mustache for you!"_

"_Oh, Janice! I – wait…what?"_


	3. Video Game Showdown!

**A/N: **Okay, thanks for being patient, everyone! Enjoy! (Also, how awesome is the announcement of a Ratchet and Clank movie!)

Edit: Doc Manager was being dumb, so I needed to update this again (somehow this chapter got deleted, oops!) There's no changes, for anyone who's already read this.

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Sony and Insomniac Games!

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**Video Game Showdown!**

"I'm booooored," whined Nefarious, who was lounging around on the couch in the star cruiser's enormous game room.

The place had everything imaginable: a VG9000 video game system hooked up to a mammoth sized holo-screen, an air hockey table, a huge basketball court (safely far away from the holo-screen of course), a pool table, a bowling alley complete with Qwark and Ratchet bowling pins, and yes, there was even a giant indoor swimming pool filled with oil – wonderful for relaxing those stiff joints.

"Lawrence, are you ignoring me?" Nefarious peered over the back of the couch.

"No, sir, I heard you." His butler continued his feather dusting in the back of the room, unconcerned. "Surely you can find something to do? I thought you had some 'super-brilliant-amazingly-diabolical' scheme to finish?"

The supervillain waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, I can finish that later. I'm taking a break."

"Haven't you been taking a break for three weeks now, sir?"

"So? And your point is?"

Lawrence just shook his head and went on dusting.

Meanwhile, Nefarious got up, crossed over to the VG9000, and began digging through his collection of video games. After a brief moment of searching, he chose one and stuck it into the system. Then he snatched two controllers and plopped back down on the sofa.

"Lawrence, get over here and be player two," called the doctor over his shoulder.

"I'm rather busy, sir."

"But this game's multiplayer! It's no fun playing by myself."

Lawrence ignored him. Nefarious glared at his back before returning his attention to the holo-screen. He crossed his arms stubbornly. Then an evil smile slowly spread itself across his face.

"Pfft, fine, Lawrence. Be boring! It's not like you have any chance of beating me anyway. I'm a button-mashing expert. A pro! The best of the best! Undefeated!" The doctor raised his controller like it was a trophy. He peeked over at Lawrence, who looked completely unimpressed by his little speech. "Argh! Come on, Lawrence! Just this once? I'll do anything! Come on!"

That got his butler's attention. Lawrence lowered the feather duster and considered. "You said 'anything', sir?"

"Sure, sure, whatever. It's not like I'll lose anyway. How about this: if I win…" Nefarious paused, scratching his metallic chin thoughtfully. "Hah, I know! If I win, you have to buy a giant pink tutu and perform an elaborate ballet for me every morning."

His butler was unfazed as usual. He took a seat beside Nefarious and picked up the second controller. "Brilliant, sir. Now, if I win: we both have to switch roles for an entire day."

Nefarious blinked at him for a second, then burst out laughing. "What? You mean I'd have to be the butler and you'd get to order me around all day? Pretty good, Lawrence. It's too bad there's no way you're going to beat me!" Still grinning smugly to himself, he pressed the start button.

It was a 2D fighting game called _The Awesomely Qwarktastic (And Totally True) Adventures of Captain Qwark!_. Naturally, Nefarious chose himself as his character, so Lawrence was stuck playing as the Captain. The player avatars showed up on opposite sides of the screen, entering combat poses as a countdown started.

…3…

…2…

…1…

Brawl!

The sound of rapid button-mashing filled the room as Nefarious and Lawrence threw various punches and kicks at each other. The supervillain began cackling like a madman.

"Hah! Too slow! Ya missed me! Missed me again! Take that! And that! And –" His maniacal laughter was cut short when the Qwark-avatar knocked half of Nefarious' health off with a flaming punch. "What!? I didn't know you could do that! You better not be cheating, Lawrence!" He glanced sideways suspiciously.

"You have to hold all the shoulder buttons, sir," explained the butler. "Then at the same time you need to press right, right, up, down, right."

"Umm," Nefarious squinted down at his controller as he attempted the combination. Of course, this meant he wasn't watching the screen. The Nefarious-avatar gave a rather high-pitched scream as it fell off an arena cliff. "Hey, I wasn't looking! That's not fair! I want a redo!"

"There's no 'redo' button, sir."

"Well, there should be!" The doctor scowled as his 'Lives' count dropped down to 1. "You still have four Lives left! You're cheating somehow!"

"Calm down, sir. There's no cheating involved. It's quite simple, actually; all of my cleaning gives me good hand-eye coordination."

Nefarious responded with a scoff. "What's that supposed to mean? That you're a pro at video games?"

"Apparently," Lawrence pointed at the holo-screen. The Nefarious-avatar was lying defeated on the floor while the Qwark-avatar stood over him, flexing its muscular arms and doing a victory dance.

"I don't believe this!" The doctor sprang up from the couch, flung his controller down, and aimed a kick at it. Unfortunately, he missed. His foot hit the nearby coffee table with a loud 'thud', and he hopped up and down clutching it.

"I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be the best day of my career," mused Lawrence as he got up to switch the game system off.

"And why's that?" Nefarious grumbled once he'd finished jumping around in pain. He flopped back onto his seat. Then, slowly, realization dawned on his face. "Wait – argh, this means I have to let you boss me around tomorrow, doesn't it? Great. So, what kind of 'fun' do I get to look forward to in the morning?"

His butler grabbed the feather duster once more. The tiniest ghost of a smile sneaked across his deadpan expression as he resumed cleaning. "Well, sir, do you remember that 'giant pink tutu' you mentioned earlier?"

Nefarious shot him a horrified glance.

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**A/N:** Oh boy, sounds like Nefarious'll be having tons of fun. Thanks again to the anonymous reviewer who suggested this idea! The next chapter will detail all the crazy things Lawrence makes him do. Stay tuned!


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